New Year's Resolutions

I know, it’s not January 1, but I always seem to make more resolutions at the beginning of a school year than at any other time. It just FEELS more like a fresh start – new classrooms and teachers for the kids, a fresh chance to make lasting memories. Plus, those new school supplies never fail to inspire. This year, I will really be able to draw something recognizable in crayon – look at the sharp points and variety of colors in this box! This year, the sky’s the limit! This year, I am the crayon queen.

Thankfully, I don’t write down my resolutions. This provides the special benefit of not requiring me to evaluate my progress at any point and therefore spares my fragile ego. Nonetheless, I’ve noticed that my resolutions are shockingly similar year after year. Also, they’re sadly sincere and well-meaning. I mean, I really want to be “edgy” and sarcastic and roll my eyes at the foibles of PTA meetings, pot-lucks, and jog-a-thons. I even achieved this state (don’t we all?) as a teenager, but now I’m back to energetically attending such meetings, planning menu items, and explaining the necessity of the fundraising jog-a-thon. My “cool” factor approximately zero, I live in fear that the word most people will use to describe me is “earnest”. Yeeeech!

So, my new and improved resolutions for this year contain no “I’ll keep in touch with friends and family” or “I’ll yell less and play more with my kids.” Oh, no. That was the old, earnest Lisa speaking. No, this year it’s a whole new ball game:

Resolution #1: I’m starting a rock band, buying a black leather outfit (no fringe), and taking it on the road. OK, so I only play the flute and they don’t make Size 18 black jumpsuits. Not to mention, have you seen the price of gas these days? OK, never mind, let’s move on.

Resolution #2: I’m going to be waaaay too busy writing existential poetry and attending readings by influential counterculture heroes to attend any PTA meetings. Except, is there a counterculture anymore? And as I’m a middle-aged, overweight Jewish girl from Palm Springs, would they let me in? What IS existential poetry, anyway? Plus, there’s usually home-baked food at those PTA meetings, and I’m a sucker for a good brownie. Maybe I can get those nice folks at the PTA meeting to bring bongos or something…

Resolution #3: I’m checking out the hottest clubs, latest clothes, and trendiest celebs in person. I mean, I live in L.A., don’t I? I’ve got my finger on the pulse, baby! Well, the suburbs of L.A. An hour’s drive from the hot clubs. And I go to sleep by 10. Surely there are some trend-setters out partying and gettin’ wild by 9, right? Come to think of it, I’d better study up on the trendy celebs, too – I can’t seem to recognize anyone who I don’t see daily at school pick-up.

Hmmm… I seem to be doing about as well with these resolutions as I do with the others. Anyway, who has the energy to try to be someone they're not? This year's resolution, then: I'm going to be PROUD of the earnest little volunteer that I am. Oh, and keep in touch with friends and yell less.

Gotta go prepare for that PTA meeting now - I hear someone’s baking cookies!